Tuesday, 5 March 2013

My brother was over the other day and we were chatting about our Mother, something he's only really just started feeling comfortable with. I was describing the last post I wrote, and how this blog has really been helping me sort through my feelings. My brother told me he still can't process what happened last summer, because he was still mad and hurt that our mother didn't come back "home" last spring like she had promised. It's funny, but I have spent so much time being frustrated with my mother over the fight with my sister and her husband that I completely forgot about the spring incident.

Last spring my mother told myself and my siblings that she would, most definitely, be moving back "home". For about 3 years she's been lamenting to me about how she feels so distanced from us all(because once a week, 4 hour visits for 10 years made us so close), how she misses us, and how she just wants to get back to normal, whatever she thinks that is. 3 years ago my mother ended the relationship she had with the man whom she left my dad for, the longest relationship she ever had. The man she left was a total prick, there's nothing good to say about him. She left him, lived on her own for maybe 2-3 months, then moved in with a new man. Prior to her planned move, I expressed my and my siblings feelings about her boyfriend, and those feelings changed all of her plans. Her boyfriend happens to be an alcoholic criminal, with an extensive record, so, understandably, not one of us, wanted him around. I brought up to my mother a few incidents with this boyfriend of hers last march and she was mortified(Her boyfriend had called both my sister and I while extremely inebriated and crying(on several occasions) about nothing audible while my mother was not even home). She was going to break up with him and move home by herself but apparently her boyfriend really was a good guy and was going to change, so she would be staying where she was; sounds like the earmark of a co-dependent person I do believe.

How did I manage to forget my Mother was supposed to move home last year? I didn't so much forget as I just gave up caring, and of course her lack of help and support through the most important milestone I've had yet-to-date really over-shadowed her last minute change-of-heart. When my brother brought up how my mother backed out of moving home, I remembered how mad I really was. The difference between my brother and I is that I wasn't mad at my mother, I was mad at myself for believing her, after 20 years I should really know better. *sigh*

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